The Yamaha YZF-R9 Was a Glorious Marketing Stunt

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SQUID 🦑 📰 🏍

1. Finally, on the day of our lord Rossi October 9, 2024, Yamaha gave every team blue fast boi what they’ve all been waiting for: the official unveiling of the Yamaha YZF-R9. This bike had been rumored, speculated on, teased, and talked about for the better part of the last year. R9 this, R9 that. All anyone wanted to talk about was the R9. And if I’m being honest, you could say I am a little underwhelmed now that is been revealed. It’s an MT-09 with fairings, a different fork, and clip ons. I didn’t necessarily expect anything different, but it isn’t exactly an earth shattering addition to the motorcycle landscape. It seems to provide a lot of value for a sport bike rider who wants that usable 3 cylinder power band and modern tech, but it’s just an MT-09 with fairings really. What has been most exciting thing about the R9 launch is seeing all the enraged R6/R1 simps who are unable to comprehend the new model.

2. Alongside the R9, Yamaha also unveiled the 2025 R3, which got the Suzuki treatment. Bold new graphics on a 10 year old frame and engine. Great job 👏 👏

3. Brembo bought Ohlins. I can’t imagine a more natural synergy. What could be more fitting? Peanut butter buying Jelly? A chocolate chip cookie buying a glass of milk? Each company has been a formidable titan of their respective fields for decades. Now that they’ve joined forces to become the brake/suspension power couple of the century, there is only one next logical step: world domination.

4. BMW recalled 5,000 R18 motorcycles in the US. Do you know what I find most shocking about this news? That at least 5,000 of these bikes have even been sold. I know what you must be thinking, the recall is due to the bike’s frame being unable to support the weight of it’s massive opposing 900cc jugs. But in reality, it is due to poorly sealed reverse gear function that can allow moisture to enter, resulting in electrical damage. This is probably pretty low risk-level, as we all know no BMW R18 owner is going to be riding their bike in the rain.

5. KTM reworked their self-destructing Cam technology into a new automatic transmission system. This new system is different than those newly developed by Yamaha or BMW. It uses a centrifugal clutch that automatically disengages once engine RPM drops to idle. These bikes can be ridden fully automatically, or it can allow the rider to “override” and manually shift with a paddle on the handlebar or an electronic shift lever by the left foot peg that mimics a traditional shift lever. These manufacturers are really going wild with all this automatic bike technology. Who is it really for, ya know?

WHAT HAS TRIUMPH GOT COOKING

WITH THIS 800 TEASER?

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I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR BEGINNER SPORT BIKES.

After being cyberbullied by Ninja 500 owners online, I figured I had to put it to the test and see if it’s really a worthy upgrade from the Ninja 400. What conclusions have I come to? I dunno, I guess you’ll need to follow along on YT to find out. And when all is said and done, this green machine will be given away to one of you! So if you’d like to throw your hat into the ring, lock in those entries at Yammienoob.co. There is a 50x multiplier happening over there right now. 😎

BIG BRAIN SYMPOSIUM 👨‍🔬 🧠 🔬

TFW WHEN YAMMIE MAKES FUN OF ADV BIKES THEN GETS A PERSONAL ADV BIKE AND YOUR BRAIN EXPLODES AND RENDERS YOU INCAPABLE OF THOUGHT